In Bad Faith
Written By: Jessica Gonzalez
Narrated By: Jenna Jimenez
Shortly after her confirmation, a high-schooler at a Catholic boarding school begins to believe the devil may have chosen her for some kind of evil purpose.
Collection Three: “Monster Mash”: Stories about Creatures, Chaos & the Supernatural
Episode #: Two
Release Date: Tuesday, November 5th
Est. Runtime: » 31 Min
Standout Lines:
"Once the Sister is out of sight, I count approximately three seconds before Nati tackles me from behind, and it takes all of my strength to stay on my feet. She wraps her legs around my waist and I hook my arms under her knees, already resigned to the fact that I’ll be giving her a piggyback ride back to our dorm.
“I crossed my fingers behind my back when I renounced Satan,” Nati says, her voice low."From the Author:
I was raised in the church. It gave me some of my fondest childhood memories, most formative experiences, and closest friends. It also left me with a lot to unpack once I moved away from the community I grew up in and my world began to expand. When I moved to Los Angeles, I met the people I felt like I'd been searching for my whole life. The friends I made were kind and empathetic. They were generous and supportive. They taught me the true definition of unconditional love--love that holds you accountable, but never judges. They volunteered their time and gave their money freely, even when they didn't have much of either. They spoke up for what they believed in even when it was scary.
Then, a few months after I arrived in LA, I had to reckon with the fact that so many of the people I sat in the pews and sang hymns with back home staunchly supported a presidential candidate that represented everything I was taught Jesus wasn't. At first, I told myself that the problem was the Christians, not Christianity itself. I told myself that I could believe everything the Bible taught me and just not associate with the people who cherry picked interpretations of it to support their own ends. But then I had to reckon with a god who would send those people to heaven, and at the same time, send my kind, brave, generous friends to hell, simply because they didn't subscribe to the same religion. And I had to accept the fact that if that were truly the case, then I'd rather go to hell myself in the end.
So over the course of nearly a decade, I let my faith go, little by little. But it didn't leave me quietly. Turns out, it's traumatic to be told that you are inherently bad over and over again for years before your frontal lobe has even fully developed. So bad, in fact, that you need to wear a t-shirt at the church pool party, lest you tempt the boys (who are allowed to swim shirtless) into sin. The shame I had been holding in my body for years--over things that I know now are exceedingly normal, completely out of my control, and not at all my fault--left me with a literal medical condition.
That's what this story is about. It's for anyone who feels like their faith doesn't make sense anymore. For anyone else who is on the slow, painful journey to realizing that there's nothing wrong with you. At least, nothing that isn't also wrong with every pastor and nun and bishop and deacon and praise team leader. And if Jesus is the sand they want to bury their heads in, that's fine for them. But if that isn't working for you, then you're welcome to come hang out with me and my friends instead.
— Jessica
The Creatives:
Jessica Gonzalez Jenna Jimenez@jessgonzalezbooks @jennajewmenez